Bush League Commissioner Ordered to Appear Before Congressional Panel

Jon Huston, the commissioner of the infamous, multi-sport Bush League, has been asked to appear before a Congressional panel that is investigating the continued pattern of unsportsmanlike behavior in the decades-old sports league.

The commissioner has agreed to answer questions, but he says the many recent incidents in the Bush League are right in line with the history and goals of the BL.

"From the beginning the Bush League has been about punching opponents in the nuts, cheap shots, cursing, trash talk, cheating and every other negative activity you can find in sports," said Huston. "I plan to make the Congressmen understand this. And if they don't, they can expect a slide tackle into the side of their knees."

Congress has threatened to shut down the Bush League and interrupt its cash flow, but Huston says that would be "almost impossible because most of our money comes from bribes or from players fixing games or shaving points."

The Bush League was the first organized sports league in the United States. It was founded in 1843 when a chess player in New York City by the name of James Bush moved his opponents pieces when his opponent got up to use the restroom. The popularity of cheating and taking shortcuts to victory saw the Bush League grow rapidly. Today it is nationwide and includes athletes of all ages.

"The Bush League is as American as apple pie," said Huston. "In fact, it's as American as apple pie made with rotten apples and sold for a higher price to unsuspecting customers. And what else was making treaties with Native Americans and then taking their land from them anyway other than a classic Bush League move? If anything, the Bush League should receive federal funding."