Mike Brown's tenure as head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers got off to a rough start today when a tutorial on the team's office computer system somehow resulted in Brown setting Kobe Bryant on fire.
"It was a mistake and I'm obviously really sorry," said Brown. "Thankfully, my secretary was able to dump the water cooler on him and quickly put him out. These are the sort of initial problems you have when you start a new job."
The brief burning of franchise player brings more concern about a hiring many Lakers fans and NBA experts found to be questionable and rushed. But general manager Mitch Kupchak isn't ready to pull the plug just yet.
"I'm still gathering all of the details on exactly what happened," said Kupchak. "Supposedly Mike thought his computer was over-heating, so he panicked and decided to start a fire under his desk as a way to balance out the heat in the room or something? And that was when Kobe stopped by. I realize it doesn't look good, but I hope we can all laugh at this one day and say it was all up from here."
Brown was fired by the Cleveland Cavaliers following the 2010 season for failing to get the No. 1 overall seed out of the second round of the playoffs. Now he steps in to the No. 1 job in the NBA.
"I am not complaining," said Brown. "This whole last year I've been working odd jobs. I was a dog walker. A janitor. I dressed up as a banana outside of a car dealership. Lost every job. So I'm grateful for this one. I'm going to do my best to not set anyone on fire again. I promise."
Until Brown becomes more familiar with his new surroundings, the Lakers have decided to keep all flammable and sharp objects away from him. He is also being asked to stay away from all the team's players.
"That was Kobe's wish," said Kupchak. "At least I think it was. It's hard to hear exactly what he's saying right now. His mouth is burned pretty bad and he's covered in bandages."