Indians Unsure Which Superstition is Responsible for Their Unlikely Start

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Hot off of another victory over the Kansas City Royals, several players in the Cleveland Indians locker room were eager to take credit for their hottest start in years.

"Before our first home game this season, I ate four chili dogs before the game, and the wins have been coming in ever since," said catcher Carlos Santana. "My doctor says there is a pretty good chance that my heart will explode before the All-Star Break, but hey, anything to keep us winning."

Few experts would have picked the Indians to be above .500 at this point, let alone commanding a four-game division lead. No one seems to be able to explain their winning ways with science or statistical research, so unsurprisingly they are invoking the supernatural as a means of clarification.

"Of course, everyone has their own special routines and lucky things that they do before each game," explained manager Manny Acta as he cut another chicken's throat with the precision of a trained surgeon.

"I've been mixing sacrificed animal blood with the Gatorade before each game. Now, I can't say that this is the reason we're winning games, but I can't say for sure that it isn't."

While none of Cleveland's players are willing to agree which superstition is responsible for the start, all agree that it cannot possibly be better fundamental hitting at the plate or the acquisition of proven pitchers from their farm system.

"Actual baseball skills? Are you kidding? There's no way. I mean, I've been dressing like a woman on the weekends for three years now, and it has done wonders for my batting average!" said designated hitter, Travis Hafner. When reporters pointed out that Hafner's batting average had only improved in the last two months, Hafner flipped the table over and screamed: "You can't talk to a lady like that!" before storming off in what appeared to be a set of Steve Madden high-heels.

Few of the players are willing to give up their superstitious ways, even if they conflict with more established baseball routines. Outfielder Shin Soo-Choo was spotted in the locker room emptying money out of his teammates' wallets into a plastic bag while they were conducting warm-ups before the game.

When asked if this is a tradition he brought with him from his home country of South Korea, he said, "Uh, yeah… This is definitely a superstitious tradition to help us win baseball games. Always in Korea we take money from teammates for, uh, good luck things. Definitely write that in your article because it is the truth and not a lie," before handing the plastic bag off to his personal assistant.

No one is entirely sure why the Cleveland Indians keep winning baseball games, but one thing's for sure: no one is more surprised than the Indians themselves.

"I personally haven't showered since April 12th," said shortstop Asdrubal Cabrera. When asked if he thought that his was the superstition that was most responsible for their hot start, Cabrera responded, "What superstition?"


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