Pro Tip: Pick your decrepit grandmother as your teammate.
Unless your opposing family members are truly horrible people, they'll never hit the shuttlecock in her direction out of mercy cutting off half the court and give you a huge advantage.
And if you somehow lose? Just blame it on ol' granny. "Greatest Generation my ass, Gram-Gram!"
– – –
Pro Tip: Forget the post.
Just hurl your first horseshoe as hard as you can at the head of your opponent on the other end and follow that up with a menacing glare. He'll quickly learn that you aren't messing around. Then play horseshoes as normal and, regardless of who really wins, tell everyone that you did. What's the other team going to do? Challenge the story? Of a guy who won't hesitate to throw metal at their heads? No way.
– – –
Pro Tip: Just stand there.
Successfully hitting a Wiffle ball is no different than successfully hitting a baseball: you have to work the count and wait for your pitch. The thing is, it's pretty hard to throw a Wiffle ball for a strike. Soon enough your Uncle Bill's middle-aged arm will tire and you'll be into the bullpen. And everyone know that Aunt Karen can't pitch for crap.
– – –
Pro Tip: Sex it up.
Remove your shirt, oil up your chest and start hugging all the males in your family and slapping their butts after every point. Before long, everyone will be creeped out to the point that they'll quit meaning you win by forfeit! Celebrate by giving yourself a cool name like Maverick or Ice Man.
– – –
Pro Tip: Don't play board games.
Board games are boring. And they're even less of a real sport than poker. So while the rest of your relatives are occupied playing these stupid games, see if your most attractive second cousin is interested in going into the woods with you to make out. Second cousins = socially acceptable! Everyone knows that. If anyone says otherwise, it's just because they're jealous that you kicked their ass in all of the picnic sports.