The Gym: Issue #13

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.

I'm a regular gym rat at my college gym, but all of my roommates are chubby and out of shape. One of them easily packed on the freshman 15 last year and probably another 5 or 10 the first semester of this year. He told me over winter break that his New Year's resolution was to lose some weight and start going to the gym with me.

So we get back and the first time I go he comes with me. I have him stretch with me and then we go off, I hit the bench and he goes on the treadmill. Five minutes later, he comes down from the upper deck where the treadmills are, and I counted him do 5 sit-ups on the incline sit-up. He then rushed himself off it, ran over to the trash can and booted for a couple minutes. He soon got a paper towel, wiped himself off, and walked over to me. He simply said "never again" before riding off into the sunset, leaving the gym forever.

– Ryan

I swear these events to be true.

I used to work out daily at a gym in Baton Rouge. I was using the wall climbing machine — it's is on a vertical track and the top constantly flips over to reveal more hand holds while the bottom rotates down to force you to climb faster.

I was on on the higher speed setting and my hand got clipped by the top of the machine which caused my ring finger to start bleeding profusely. I later found out I crushed the bone under my nail and needed stitches.

I hopped down from the machine as nonchalantly as possible to not draw attention and went to the bathroom to make sure my finger was still attached. A bunch of the local crowd of regulars marveled at the injury, as opposed to going to get help, until I asked them to contact the front desk.

After a few guys mentioned how tough I must have been for not yelling, one random 40-something dude I have never seen before marched in from behind the crowd. He was dressed in jeans and work boots and had an LSU cap from the 90's.

"Looks like they got you pretty good man. (delays to draw attention). Almost as good as they got me." (I have no idea who 'they' is … objects?)

He then raised his left hand to reveal a missing pinkie, an index missing the tip and a ring finger that was reduced to a nub. One guy grabbed his stomach and left.

"That's right. Two by four when I was working a job down in Slidell. Well, I hope you're ok man." He then walked away out of the bathroom and I have never seen him again at the gym.

I assumed he was waiting in the bathroom for months waiting to upstage someone's hand injury and finally had his moment and left.

– James

I was in the locker room at my school. Two guys changing next to me were having a conversation about bad roommates, and one guy says to the other: "I don't know if it's against the guy code, but my roommate was really pissing me off so I started cumming in his shampoo."

– Mychal

I could probably reel off a million gym stories, but this is my favorite: I went to Villanova University years back when all that was there for the 6,000 students was a dingy gym at the bottom of a campus dorm. Everyone was squeezing in the gym to get weights, testosterone was flying, it wasn't unusual for people to get into fights over weights or get in people's way.

Anyways, the same people always came into the gym at the same times, and there were these two meathead roid ragers that were part of the underground jock fraternity from my school that came in every day.

They were the type of people who had to look at themselves in the mirror every time they lifted and would get pissed if you blocked their view… which was odd since they always wore baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts every time they lifted. Needless to say, everyone at the gym hated them. On one particular day, they were on the leg press machine, throwing on some obscene weight and were literally yelling (not grunting, yelling) as they were pressing, and since the gym was so tiny (picture 20 ft by 80 ft with 9 ft ceilings) everyone could hear them.

I then hear from the other side of the gym: "Hey guys, you giving birth over there?" the entire gym erupted in laughter. Score one for the good guys.

– Mike