The 12 Funniest Old-Timey Names In NFL Draft History


Dick Shiner

Washington Redskins, 1964

Dick Shiner was drafted by the Redskins, but he shined dicks on six different teams in a 10-year career.

Ty Coon

Brooklyn Dodgers, 1940

Coon, a guard, was selected in the 7th Round and played only 9 career games in one NFL season. So it is likely he made his fortune in something other than football.

Bernie Weiner

Brooklyn Dodgers, 1941

Selected in the 11th Round of the 1941 draft, Weiner played only 10 games in his NFL career. Chances are his career ended from health complications due to his Chlamydia.

Dick Farman

Washington Redskins, 1939

Dick Farman played five years in the NFL before moving home to Iowa where he farmed the thickest, juiciest dicks in all the Midwest.

Dick Wood

Baltimore Colts, 1959

Yes, Dick was very popular back in olden times. The NFL Draft, from when it started in 1936 through the late '60s, was full of Dick picks. Only a few are listed here. There was also Dick Woodard, Dick McKissack, Dick Fugler, Dick Horn, Dick Lynch, Dick Hines, Dick Heinz, and many others — including Dick Butkus, who was so great at football he managed to make most people forget his name was DICK BUTKUS. Wow. He must have been quite a player.


Fair Hooker

Cleveland Browns, 1969

This Hooker was picked up in the 5th Round of the 1969 NFL Draft and caught 129 passes in six seasons for the Browns. Interestingly, his actual name is Fair Hooker, Jr., meaning both his father and grandfather respected whores who don't try to gouge you for some anal.

Max Kielbasa

Pittsburgh Steelers, 1943

Max Kielbasa played two seasons at halfback for the Steelers. It can be presumed he then went on to open a sausage shop and/or star in adult films in Poland.

Brown Marks

Cincinnati Bengals, 1968

In the 16th Round of the 1968 Draft, the Bengals took Brown Marks out of Indiana. He did not make the team. But he is remembered in the football pants of every Hoosiers player who doesn't wipe well enough.

Art Gob

Washington Redskins, 1959

Art Gob was selected in the 22nd Round and played two seasons in the NFL. Not surprisingly, he was a lineman. If you name your son "Art Gob", you're setting his life's max potential at "football lineman." Art Gob's other career options were garbage man and football stadium janitor. Congratulations, Art Gob. You reached the pinnacle of Art Gobdom.

Bruno Banducci

Philadelphia Eagles, 1943

Banducci was taken in the 6th Round and went on to have an 11-year career with the Eagles and 49ers, making one Pro Bowl. Not a bad "legit" career for someone who was obviously a fat hitman in a poorly-written mafia movie.

Jiggy Smaha

Cleveland Browns, 1969

Smaha was the 358th player selected in the 1969 Draft and never played a down in the NFL. But Jiggy Smaha remains a very unique name. Well, it might be normal in Georgia, where he went to college, but it's unique everywhere else. "Jiggy" was as probably as common in the South in the old days as "Dick" was up North.

Dick Butkus

Chicago Bears, 1965

Seriously … DICK BUTKUS. In its three syllables it has DICK, BUTT and KISS: the holy triumvirate of 12 year-old boy humor.