The Philadelphia Phillies today announced a plan that will give fans back 50-percent of the face value of any ticket purchased for a game in which the terrible Joe Blanton appears.
"We aim to run a class, fan-friendly organization," said team chairman Bill Giles. "And it's simply not fair that 20-percent of the fans who come to Citizens Bank Park this year will be forced to watch Joe Blanton pitch. That is if we can't trade him or find someone to replace him. And please, God, let that happen. Please. As soon as possible."
The portly righty, who is decidedly not part of the "Fab Four," has a 10.45 ERA through his first two starts of the season, well above the ERAs of Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, Roy Oswalt and Cliff Lee.
Philadelphia's Blanton refund program tentatively dubbed "We're Sorry About Joe Blanton Refund Program" will allow fans to get cash for their ticket at the start of the third inning or as soon as Blanton is knocked out of the game, whichever comes first.
Fans will also have the option of bypassing the 50-percent refund for the opportunity to scream at Blanton, who will be placed in a glass enclosure on the outfield concourse after he is pulled from each start.
There will also be an option to pay $50 to throw a punch at the righty.
"Chances are we actually end up making a lot of money on this," said general manager Ruben Amaro. "So we'll probably just use that money to buy yet another ace."