Michael Jordan Orders Charles Oakley to Cut the Brakes in Derrick Rose’s Car

Chicago Bulls v Charlotte Bobcats
The order has been given. Chicago Bulls legend Michael Jordan has reportedly told longtime friend and enforcer Charles Oakley to put an end to up-and-coming Bulls star Derrick Rose.

"It's gone on long enough," said a source close to Jordan. "Michael is not going to sit by while some kid attempts to forge a new basketball legacy in Chicago. Michael is adamant that he always be the King of Chicago. So Derrick must die."

Despite Rose winning NBA Rookie of the Year two seasons ago and making the All-Star team last year, Jordan reportedly did not become threatened by the 22 year-old star until very recently.

"Mike didn't think Rose would ever be much of a player," said a Charlotte Bobcats staff member who wished to remain anonymous, "because he is a terrible, terrible, terrible judge of talent. Just terrible. Really, a few years ago he was worried that Kirk Hinrich would challenge all of his Bulls records. Derrick even being a serviceable NBA player caught Michael by complete surprise."

But with Rose seen as the clear favorite in this season's NBA MVP race, Jordan is now paying attention.

"He doesn't really watch the NBA per se," said a Bobcats source, "but he overheard some people raving about Rose at a blackjack table at Foxwoods. It really pissed him off. So he put in the call to Charles."

Oakley played with Jordan in Chicago for the first three years of his career and the two have stayed close ever since.

"When Michael needs me to do things, I get them done for him," said Oakley. "It's not a complicated relationship. Got any other stupid questions? And don't print this article or I'll be visiting you next."

Rose says he has been alerted of Jordan's displeasure with his success and growing legend and is working with Bulls security to stay safe. But it likely won't matter.

"Let's just say [Wizards owner] Abe Pollin didn't exactly die of natural causes," says Oakley.


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