Manny Ramirez Already Up to 675 Pounds

Tampa Bay Rays Photo Day
Less than two weeks after stepping away from baseball, former major league slugger Manny Ramirez is already pushing 700 pounds.

"He is an incredibly lazy man," said his wife, Juliana. "He hasn't gotten out of bed more than once or twice since the day he quit and he keeps having food delivered directly to the bedroom. There is a huge pile of empty takeout containers and pizza boxes all over him. He is using empty lo mein containers as a bed pan … when he even uses a bed pan."

Juliana says she is only guessing that her husbands weight is 675 pounds, as he broke the bed yesterday and, according to the manufacturer's website, the bed is made to hold no more than 670 pounds.

"That was yesterday and he's getting fatter by the day," she said. "Even if he does get the motivation to move, I don't think he'll fit out of the doorway anymore. We'll have to get a crane and take him out our big bay window."

And Ramirez, who frequently jogged after balls in the outfield and didn't run out ground balls, is showing no signs of becoming more active in his retirement. This morning he had several flatscreen televisions installed on the ceiling above his bed so he didn't have to strain to bend his neck and place it on a pillow to see his TV on the wall.

The former Red Sox and Dodgers star did not verbally comment on his current state, but briefly made a sort of squint with this eyes and then scrunched up his nose a little bit.

"From what I can tell, that means 'Get me some pie,'" said Juliana. "He stopped talking on Monday. The last thing he said was 'Talking is too tireso-…'. And then he trailed off into a nap."

Barring a complete change in lifestyle, Juliana Ramirez fears her husband will continue rapidly gaining weight the longer he is away from baseball until he eventually explodes. But she has one idea.

"He needs the exercise provided by jogging onto the baseball field and occasionally jogging around the bases after a home run," she said. "So I'm working on getting him on another team."

The Mets are reportedly close to offering Ramirez a 4-year, $100 million deal.


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