According to several reports out of Great Britain, as well as eyewitness accounts from people watching the royal wedding on TV, soccer player David Beckham is not the prince of England. Instead, it is some bald man named William.
"Honestly, I feel like we've been duped," said LA Galaxy head coach. "First we discover he's not really that great at soccer. Which is okay as long as he's the future king. But now he's apparently just another foppish British guy with no actual status? What's the point of having him here?"
According to a quick Wikipedia search which, admittedly, could have been done by the affected parties earlier, Beckham is nothing but a soccer player from a lower middle-class background who grew up in northeast London and has a decidedly un-posh accent. And his wife, Victoria Beckham, is merely a plasticized failed pop singer, not the future queen of one of the world's economic powers.
"The thing about his wife is a relief," said Galaxy teammate Landon Donovan. "No princess should should that much fake-boobed cleavage. It's not classy. But I'm really disappointed about David. Every rich-looking, fancy-dressing British guy who comes here should announce, upon arrival, that he's not royalty so there's no confusion. He had to know we all thought he was the prince. I mean, why would a non-prince be so famous over there? But he kept quiet."
L.A. Galaxy officials say they are looking to sever their deal with Beckham and offer a contract to the real prince, William.
"He's probably decent at soccer," said Donovan. "He's English, right? Plus, I'd feel less self-conscious if there was someone balder than me on this team. And his wife is a lot hotter than David's."