Yankees Sign Dr. James Andrews To Exclusive Deal

The New York Yankees today signed renowned sports surgeon Dr. James Andrews to an exclusive 10-year, $200 million deal that will prohibit him from operating on the elbows, shoulders and knees of any athlete not in the Yankee organization.

"The Yankee organization strives to have the best of the best," said Yankees general manager Brian Cashman. "And Dr. Andrews is by far the best surgeon in the field of sports medicine. We're proud to have him. We're also excited because now if anyone gets hurt on any other team, they're pretty much screwed," he added laughing, as he high-fived fellow Yankees executives.

Dr. Andrews has long practiced at the Andrews Sports Medicine and Orthopedic Center in Alabama, Birmingham, and is the go-to surgeon for ligament injuries including "Tommy John surgery," which repairs torn elbow ligaments in pitchers.

"For years I have made my services available to everyone," said Dr. Andrews. "But I'm 69 years-old now. Most surgeons are long-since retired. But I'm going to keep going. I just feel it's my right to cash in a little bit. And the Yankees are always the place for an older person in baseball to do that."

While the Yankees believe securing Andrews will give their players the best medical care while forcing injured players on other teams — specifically rivals like the Boston Red Sox — to retire without proper medical care, baseball experts and fellow orthopedic surgeons claim that won't happen.

"Dr. Andrews is a legend, but all the Yankees did was overpay for a brand name. Yet again," said Devil Rays general manager Andrew Friedman. "He is 69 years-old. If it's not already, his dexterity is going to be shot soon. At this point, it's just as likely he'll go into someone's arm and accidentally cut it off as fix it."

Friedman's Rays have instead signed a 33 year-old longtime Andrews assistant who can do all of the same procedures and has also made several advancements in orthopedic surgery. Tampa got him for a 5-year, $500,000 contract.

"Dammit," said Cashman.