The Gym: Issue #9

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.

I used to work front desk at a health club in college. One night when folding the towels and manning the desk I heard someone yelling for help from the men's locker room. Instinctively I dropped my towels and ran in the direction of the distress call. I round the corner and see a face all oiled up, peaked out from behind a door. As soon as the face sees me coming it slips back behind the door.

I open the door and look around and I see a figure behind the curtain to the tanning bed. I pulled the curtain back to find a young man completely naked dripping eyeballs to toenails in the free lotion the health club stocked for members. The lotion was literally dripping from this guy. He was yelling for help because his hands were so over-saturated with lotion that he couldn't turn the key on the wall to get the tanning bed lamps to start!

– Adam

So glad you guys have this. Seriously, the amount of shit I hear in the Pentagon gym is ridiculous. Like today's little doozy: "Yeah, man, I gotta do this to soften my nipples or they'll chafe during the run." Or, instead of massaging your titties in front of folks, you could use runners glide.

– Gus

I heard this story from one of my friends who is on our school's volleyball team. So they were lifting in our school's weight room when one of our other friends was benching. As he was benching, the spotter was talking about sex which caused the guy benching to have a boner which everyone noticed. For the rest of the year, the team called him "Stiffy."

– Gates

My buddy and I were at the gym and benching a few weeks ago. We did a few sets of 225. Not wildly impressive, although we both weigh about 150. The bench beside us was being used by four morbidly obese guys. Like sumo size. They were maxing 400.

After a few sets of 225, my buddy tried to do a rep of 300 but couldn't even get it off his chest. One of the obese guys goes: "You've got to man up, dude," and then he and his pals all laughed. So my friend said without missing a beat, pointing at their bar: "At least I can lift my own body weight" and walked away, leaving the main obese guy to say to me: "Your gay lover is an asshole, man."

– Dan

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Send your "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" stories to OverheardSP at gmail.