Reports: You Will Eventually Grow To Despise Butler Head Coach Brad Stevens

8b10c8488a790a0efba7ec561730a0c6
While Butler head coach Brad Stevens is currently the fresh-faced, Goliath-slaying darling of the NCAA Tournament, many say it won't be long before you hate him as much as every other elite coach in college basketball.

"This is pretty much the honeymoon phase for Brad Stevens with America," said Dr. Peter Wolcomb, a behavioral studies professor at Butler University. "Success breeds contempt. And success in college basketball, which is a disgusting cesspool of filth and deceit, breeds suspicion. Soon he'll be as loathed as Mike Krzyzewski, Jim Calhoun, John Calipari … or really any college basketball coach you can name."

With Butler now on the national radar thanks to back-to-back trips to the Final Four, even the slightest hint of misbehavior from the program will be seen as evidence Stevens is no better or cleaner than any other coach.

"Say one of their players gets a speeding ticket," said Harvard sociology department chair Dr. Emmett Baker. "Or you hear that someone on the team is taking a fairly easy major. You will then project all of your negative opinions of college basketball on the Butler program and Stevens himself, presuming what you've heard is only the tip of the iceberg and that Butler players are paid six-figures and plied with high-priced strippers — all under the direction of Brad Stevens."

Stevens' boyish looks won't help his case either.

"Oh, no," said Wolcomb. "It's almost worse. He'll take on a sort of Dorian Gray persona, and everyone will assume his youthful face hides a dark, rotting soul full of lies, hatred and evil. He will be seen as all that is wrong with sports."

There is reportedly only one scenario in which you will not come to despite Stevens.

"If your school is able to ply him away from Butler with a big contract, you will continue to think he's a super guy who is 100-percent pure in all of his thoughts and actions," said Baker.


Advertisement