NHL GMs Vote To Allow Head Shots On Gary Bettman Only

After two days of meetings, NHL general managers have decided that all shots to the head on anyone other than league commissioner Gary Bettman will result in a steep fine and suspension. Also, anyone who hits Bettman in the head will receive a large bonus.

"For the health of our players and especially the long-term health of our sport, we thought this was the smartest decision," said Montreal general manager Pierre Gauthier. "We will revisit everything once the commissioner is forced to resign due to severe head trauma."

The unanimous decision by the league's general managers has been met with great enthusiasm by NHL fans. A line outside of the NHL's Toronto headquarters spreads eight blocks as fans from all over the world queue for a chance to hit Bettman in the head.

"I'm not even a very big hockey fan," said one person in line who flew in from New Zealand. "I just appreciate competent leadership. So I felt like the least I could do is fly across the world for the chance to hit Gary Bettman in the head."

Bettman has not commented so far on the decision.

"I don't really expect him to comment anytime soon," said Penguins general manager Ray Shero. "He was knocked out quickly after the vote when we started hitting him. He's been unconscious ever since."