The Gym: Issue #7

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the games.

One time I was with a bunch of my friends at the track. One runner went past us – he was wearing nothing but shorts, which were so tight on him that you could see everything about his crotch except the color of it. I nicknamed him the Arc, like Indiana Jones – if you look at it, your face will melt off. Or at least we all felt like it.

— Jeff

I was at the gym recently, and noticed a guy who constantly comes in, lifts at low weights, and screams incredibly loud while doing so. Anyways I was at the gym and he was attempting to shoulder shrug 50lbs when he spiked the weights off the ground and screamed: "I GO HARD IN THE PAINT!" The best part? He was a white, middle-aged, not listening to music, and being completely serious.

— Drew

My office has a gym in the basement. It's pretty nice, especially for a company with only about 50 people. There are free weights, a few machines and four treadmills/ellipticals. We even have a little locker room area with a shower. It is basically a way for management to say to prospective hires: "Look! This is a fun and groovy place to work! We're like Google!"

The funny thing is, the company CEO is also incredibly demanding — he thinks working here should be your life's calling — and it seems he uses the gym as a gauge for how seriously you're taking your job. Workout during work hours, which he sees as all the time, and you're going to get fired.

Really. My buddy and I have kept a tally. The last 7 people who have used the gym with any regularity have been let go. At least I feel like I have a good reason for being 20 pounds overweight.

— Will

I'm a student at a university that allows members of nearby communities to join the gym. Mostly retired adults, who are filthy rich. In the locker room, most of these oldies get naked. I've come to accept it. I just keep to myself while doing what I need to do.

One time, I was on the scale and turned around to find a naked Sideshow Bob looking guy within 3 feet of me. Before being able to process this, he started to guess my weight. "160?" "No… ." "155?" "No… um… I'm about 145". I went back to my locker. He followed me and started talking to me about diets, Thanksgiving, and his kids. Still naked. I told him was late for class (Mind you, this was happening at no later than 6 a.m. on a Sunday) and
left with him still speaking.

— Josh

I spent 5 years in a small rural NW Ohio town that had one usually empty gym. I was working out one Saturday morning when three 20-something muscle heads came in to work off the previous night's revelry. One was getting most of the harassment due to the fact that the night before his chosen paramour was … ahem … less than attractive. After about 20 minutes of putting up with his buddies B.S. he finished a set of bench presses, racked the bar and uttered the words which I shall NEVER forget: "Fellas, NO woman is ugly when she's got YOUR dick in her mouth."

— Bob

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Send your "Overheard At The Game" or "Overheard At The Gym" stories to OverheardSP at gmail.