Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the games.
I'm convinced that at some time during my life I will see an old man naked at the gym. I've been preparing my self mentally for several years now.
I was sitting in the sauna after a workout with three other men today. After a few minutes, two of the men left within minutes of each other. The man who remained was a naked tiny old man, probably 5 feet tall and 80 pounds, who sat on the top row of benches in a cross-legged position. But he wasn't sitting upright. He lay in his own lap with his bony arms hanging down to the next bench. I was afraid he was dead so I waited around anxiously until he moved before quickly leaving the gym.
I truly wish I hadn't seen this and no amount of alcohol can erase this memory from my mind. Trust me, I've tried … I had finished my workout, showered and was blow drying my hair when, in the mirror, I spotted the reflection of an older woman, late 40s maybe, at station to my right. She had opened her towel, put one foot up on the bench and proceeded to blow dry her crotch with one of the communal hair dryers Needless to say, my hair dryer was the first thing packed for the gym every night. On the off chance I forgot it, I would go out in a Boston winter with wet hair before touching one of the communal hair dryers.
My gym is like a big, rectangular warehouse. But over in the far corner there's a little notch that is sort of secluded from the rest of the gym. There's enough room for two machines. I was doing the leg press and a guy came over, looked up at the TV in the area and said: "Does this TV get porn?"
I just laughed, assuming it was a joke. But then he grabbed the remote and started flipping through the higher channels until giving up that the TV didn't have porn. "Doesn't look like it," he said and then he walked back into the main part of the gym. I'm really glad the TV didn't have porn. I have no idea what would have happened next if it had.
The gym I attend employs mentally disabled volunteer workers to clean the machines, locker rooms, etc. One afternoon I had just completed running and was in the locker room getting ready to shower. I placed all my clothes and my iPod Nano on the bench next to me and started to undress. About the same time I was completely naked, the mentally challenged worker walked into my locker bay with his mop. Before I could walk out he looked at me and said, "that's a pretty tiny unit you got there." I was shocked for several seconds, until I realized he was looking down at my iPod Nano.