Message: Stop being a shut-in with no life and get on LivingSocial.com and become a transvestite. You'll still be a social outcast, but it's better to be a social outcast who has some nice cocktail dresses and a fake set of breasts than a loser in his parents' basement. Probably.
Relationship To Football: Put a dress on Packers linebacker Clay Matthews and he is this guy's twin.
Doritos: "The Best Part"
Message: Almost all workplace incidences of sexual harassment are Doritos-related.
Relationship To Football: Take a look at Brett Favre's dong photos again. I bet you'll see some nacho cheese or cool ranch crumbs on it.
Chrysler 200: "Detroit"
Message: Detroit is still cold, dark, desolate and scary. But … umm … uh … oh! Right! Chrysler is making a luxury car now. So at least they've got that on Cleveland.
Relationship To Football: The Detroit Lions might be one of the most exciting things Detroit has going for it. My God.
Volkswagen: "The Force"
Message: It's okay to use your car's auto-start to deceive your hopelessly nerdy son, therefore leading him to a childhood full of wedgies and having his lunch money stolen.
Relationship To Football: The jock football players will be the ones stealing this poor nerd's lunch money and giving him wedgies.
Every movie preview
Message: Hollywood is completely out of ideas. What? You don't think that opinion is original? Well, imagine if I shared it in …
Still not original? Crap. I spent $100 million on that font. Maybe I should have invested more in the writing.
Relationship To Football: 3-D : bad movies :: steroids : bad football players.
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