The Gym: Issue #5

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

Every January, legions of out-of-shape people flock to their neighborhood gym in a half-baked attempt to lose weight.

Last week, a 350-pound, stark naked man-ape who just completed his post-workout shower was "flossing" between his legs with a towel. To make matters worse, he was enthusiastically gyrating his hips like Elvis Presley.

And he was standing right smack dab in the middle of the locker room.

Gym patrons had no choice but to look at this dude's repulsively unattractive body as they rounded the corner into the locker room. One gym regular entered the locker room, yelped, and let out a vociferous, "Duuuuude!"

I have a feeling we will never see Mr. Double Stuff ever again.

— Mike

This wouldn't count as being "overheard" at the gym, I suppose. But yesterday I saw two people f*cking in one of the locker room showers. Work those abs!

And genitals, too!

— A.J.

A kid I went to high school with just moved back into the area and joined my gym. In high school he was a rich, spoiled douche bag (his dad is a big-time local attorney) and it seems he still is. He was meeting the the gym's sales rep guy about his membership paperwork and HAD HIS DAD SWING BY THE GYM TO READ THROUGH IT. You know, because you need a high-priced attorney to read over the 1-page Planet Fitness gym membership contract. Once a douche, always a douche.

— Aaron

I saw a guy at my gym last week ask a dude who was standing near him to spot him on the bench. Somehow, he didn't notice that the guy he asked had a prosthetic arm from the elbow down. The prosthetic guy said "I'd love to, but that's probably not a good idea" and kind of lifted his arm up. The benching guy clearly didn't get it so then the prosthetic guy said "you know … because my arm could … come off." Stupid meathead. So awkward.

— Adam

I've been reading and enjoying this feature since it started and I've noticed a few submissions about people farting – and queefing, too! (spelling?) – at the gym. I work nights at my gym and part of my job is going through the gym member suggestion box. Three times since I started my job last year there have been suggestions about having a section of the gym sectioned off for gassy people.

I don't know if they're sent in by farty people who want to be among their own kind or non-farty people who want the smelly ones away from them. Either way, it's apparently a real problem. There is a Mexican restaurant and Indian restaurant in the same mini-mall as the gym. Maybe that has something do do with it.

— Karen

– – – – –

Next week is the first edition of "Overheard At The Game." Please submit anything horrible and/or hilarious you've seen or heard at sporting events. Thanks!