The Gym: Issue #4

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

A guy at my gym – I should say a dude at my gym – is a total metal head. At least he looks like he is. He has long, dark hair that is slicked back and hangs down to about his shoulders. He usually wears black boots and black jean shorts and some kind of band shirt. He would look extremely ridiculous, if not for the fact that he's pretty cut so you can't make fun of him even if you wanted to.

He always has earbuds in listening to music and sometimes you see him between sets doing air drumming like he's part of Metallica or Slayer or something. I was working near him one day and when he got up off the bench, his phone fell, pulling the ear bud cord out of the phone and suddenly blasting out of the phone was – no lie – Ke$ha.

An embarrassment to metal heads everywhere. Humans, too.

— Derek

My friend and I were just standing around talking when this kid comes up to us. Starts talking about how strong he is and shows us his biceps (you know, the way kids do) my friend doesn't even skip a beat, look at the kid's biceps and says, "Wow, looks like you've been hitting the jungle-gym."

Hilarious. Kid hasn't talked to us since.

— Jeffrey

I was going to do hamstring curls and a guy got to the machine right before I did. He asked me if I wanted to work in, but I didn't want to lay in his sweat so I just said I'd wait until he was done. He did one set and then said he was done because: "The bench hurts my new piercing." And then, if there was any confusion, gestured towards his junk.

If that was a pickup line it was the worst one ever.

— Evana

I don't know what the exercise is called, but pretty much only girls do them — it's a machine where you sit and open and close your legs. Anyway, there was this older lady on it, probably late 40s or 50, working out with her iPod in. She shouldn't have had her iPod in because she apparently couldn't hear that every second or third rep she would fart. Or queef. I'm not sure which. I cleared out of the area before I found out for sure.

— Ray

A major douche at my gym was bragging to everyone about how he got this "hot" new girlfriend that is a great cook and does all kinds of stuff for him around his apartment. He goes: "So no more GTL for me, baby. No it's GTG – Gym, Tan and more Gym!" and then he high-fived one of his friends. He wasn't being ironic either. He's that douchey.

— Austin