The Gym: Issue #2

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

I go to a gym on a military base, and while the equipment is great, a bunch of naked old guys using the locker next to me is really improving my 40 yard dash times.

— Charlie

I go to my gym right after work and it's packed. You usually have to wait to get on a treadmill. Well this older guy was running and suddenly stops and sort of staggers off the treadmill and lays down beside it on the ground. Everyone thought he was having a heart attack. A gym worker called for an ambulance and everything.

So he's laying there with his treadmill still open right beside him. And a guy like three people behind me steps up and starts using it as the old guy is potentially dying on the floor. The looks he got could have killed him, too.

(Good news: the old guy just had the flu or something and was fine.)

— Karen

If I ever go to the gym earlier than Noon I always see this 70 or 80 year-old woman. She is probably 4'11'' and 150 pounds and always wears at least 2 or 3 winter coats. The weird part is she always wears these spandex pants that never fail to make me gag. I always wondered why she wore them until one day I saw her on a lat pull down machine. Instead of using the machine, she would adjust the seat to wear she could sit on it while still standing, then proceed to hump the sh-t out of it for 5 minutes. She literally would just stand there and grind the seat. I stopped coming to the gym before Noon.

— Matt

There is a guy at my gym who wears Jumpsoles – those shoes with the sort of platform heel things on the front? – the entire time he's working out. It doesn't matter if he's doing a leg routine or benching or whatever. From the time he comes out of the locker room until when he leaves, it's Jumpsoles.

Obviously, everyone hates him and thinks he's a douche and makes fun of him behind his back. So last week when he jumped on an elliptical machine (WHILE STILL WEARING JUMPSOLES) everyone was waiting for him to fall off the machine and hurt himself. Except he didn't fall. And, admittedly, his calves are huge. And a guy at the gym said he saw him playing basketball and he dunks even though he's only about 5-9.

So now I hate this guy even more.

— Ben

There were these two frat guys who though they were really hard, and after one of them finished a set on the bench he stands up and says to the other one, "There are two things in this world that I love: crushing beers and slamming pussy."

— Chris

I am in pretty good shape right now. I have been hitting the gym hard for 3 or 4 months and you can see the difference in my arms. This guy who's at the gym a lot, too, a few weeks ago was talking to me between sets and said: "No homo, you're looking really good." Fine. Whatever.

But probably in the 10 times I've seen him at the gym since then, he has said some form of "No homo, you're looking good" 8 of those times.

I am definitely thinking he is now indeed homo.

— Devin