8 Holiday Symbols and Their Sports Equivalents


Greg Oden = Christmas Tree

Like Greg Oden, the Christmas tree starts the season tall, strong and full of promise. But before long, they're both decaying in front of your eyes and you eventually have to just put them out on the curb with the trash.


Kickers and Punters = Christmas Elves

They are miniature and creepy, but without them football and Christmas can't happen.


Tom Coughlin = Rudolph

Both have noses that turn bright red. Coughlin also very much values being punctual, while Rudolph must get to every house in the world in just one night.


Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany = The Grinch

The Grinch wants to stop Christmas from coming, Delany wants to stop college football playoffs from coming. But just as The Grinch can't prevent the joy of Christmas, Delany can't prevent the true joy of college football: making fun of the Big Ten.


Lebron, Wade and Bosh = Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

These things sound much better together in theory than they are in reality. I mean, frankincense and myrrh are both dried tree saps. Chris Bosh totally seems like dried tree sap.


Brett Favre = Claymation Christmas

Claymation may have been impressive in its day, but it pretty much sucks now. I don't think I need to further explain the metaphor.


Denver Broncos Defense = Menorah Candles

They regularly get burnt and it appears there are only nine of them.


NASCAR = Kwanzaa

Kwanzaa is a niche holiday celebrated by only one race, while NASCAR is a niche sport followed by only one race.