Brett Favre Dies of Shoulder Sprain

NFL legend Brett Favre passed away on Monday of a painful shoulder sprain that caused numbness in his hand and left him unable to start a football game. Favre is survived by a wife, two daughters, a grandchild, numerous NFL records and countless grieving and devoted members of the football media.

It was hoped Favre could pull through as late as Sunday when a snowstorm wrecked the Metrodome and pushed his team's scheduled game back a day. But during pregame warm-ups on the field in Detroit, the hand numbness was discovered and the decision was made to pull the plug.

"I didn't think I could function good enough to help us win," said Favre, in what were his final words.

After dying and before kickoff he was placed in a long-sleeve t-shirt and winter cap and propped up in-state on the sidelines where teammates, coaches and later the opposing Giants could file past him and pay their respects.

Meanwhile, as word leaked out of Favre's passing, heartfelt eulogies from the football media began pouring in, with testimonies on what Favre meant to them as a football player, as a man, and to the culture as a whole.

"It's unfortunate we're out of this playoff race. I'll just see how I feel this week and go from there," said Favre after the game, in some sort of odd, rigor mortis speaking tic.

Favre's ashes will reportedly be spread over Green Bay, Minneapolis and his Mississippi property. A tiny bit will also be sent to Jenn Sterger.