Bored Assange Breaks News That Red Sox Are Interested in Reliever Scott Downs

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Controversial international journalist Julian Assange, the founder and editor of WikiLeaks, took time out from leaking secret government documents today to break the news that the Boston Red Sox have serious interest in free agent, left-handed reliever Scott Downs.

According to documents posted on WikiLeaks, Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein has been in contact with Downs' agent about acquiring the highly sought after middle man, who posted a 2.64 ERA last year with the Blue Jays. The two sides are reportedly very close to a multi-year deal.

"We are very disappointed that this information came out," the Red Sox said in a statement. "Information like this compromises our negotiations with Scott and his agent, as well as with other free agents. Assange is a baseball terrorist unlike any we have seen since Morganna the Kissing Bandit."

Assange has gone into hiding since publishing the e-mails between Epstein and Downs' agent, but is said to be about to reveal some shocking information about Iran's nuclear program and/or the Cliff Lee negotiations.

"Some people see baseball as below him," said an associate of the WikiLeaks founder. "But he just wants the truth to be out there, no matter what it is. And maybe breaking baseball news will cause more Americans to like him."

It has also been confirmed today that the report from Fox Sports baseball reporter Ken Rosenthal claiming Costa Rica is enriching uranium with the backing of Al-Qaeda is completely false.

"I had bad sources," said Rosenthal. "But I hear the Pirates will get Cliff Lee."


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