Report: Derek Jeter Demands to be Paid $1 Million for Each Intangible

Derek Jeter and his agent are digging in against New York Yankees management in what could be an ugly and protracted contract negotiation for the 36 year-old shortstop.

Yankees part owner Hal Steinbrenner stated this week in an interview that while the team wants to bring the living Yankee legend back, it does not want to break the bank to do so. Jeter is coming off of his worst season in the majors. Jeter's agent, Casey Close, then countered in the media that his client's value to the team "cannot be overstated."

That led the way to today's latest, in which Close has reportedly decided to put an exact, tangible dollar figure on his client's supposed value, demanding $1 million for each Jeter intangible.

"His leadership is definitely one intangible," said Close. "Getting that for $1 million is a huge bargain. His grit, his moxie, his general clutchness. Those are just three more. His musk. He has a natural scent of a champion. That's a big one. What are we at — $5 million already? The Yankees better stop me because I could quickly and easily get to $100 million a year. He gets a lot of hot chicks to come to the game. $6 million."

Hal Steinbrenner immediately rejected the idea of paying Derek Jeter per intangible.

"That is an absurd idea," he said. "You can't pay someone based on something that has no definition and may not even exist. If they want to be creative with this deal, fine. But let's also be reasonable. How about we pay him $1 million for each foot he can go into the hole to field a ground ball? So, $2 million? Maybe $3 million tops if it's a warm day? Do we have a deal?"

But Jeter's agent didn't respond to the Steinbrenner offer become he was still busy listing intangibles.

"General awesomeness for $70 million," he continued. "The stability he provides the team by rocking the fade years after it was in style for $71 million. That feeling you get when he walks into the room: $72 million. That distinctive something-about-him-ness for $73 million. Let's break for lunch and I'll come back with more."