President Obama Suspiciously Wins NYC Marathon

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President Barack Obama won the New York City Marathon on Sunday with a time of 2 hours, 4 minutes, 11 seconds. It is the most impressive athletic feat achieved by a president in U.S. history, but only raises suspicions in some circles that Obama is a secret Kenyan.

"With all of the stress of the midterm elections, it was nice to just come out here and run and compete," said President Obama, who wasn't initially registered for the marathon but received a late waiver. "If I hadn't stopped halfway through for a cigarette, I'm sure I could have done even better."

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs admitted the president had not trained for the marathon, and while Obama often bikes and plays basketball, he has never been into long distance running. But when pressed by reporters, Gibbs quickly dismissed any sort of Kenyan link to the Commander-in-Chief's surprising time.

"Kenyans have only won the New York City Marathon twice in the past six years," said Gibbs. "So I'm as surprised as anyone that the president won. Which … umm, is not to imply that I think he's a Kenyan, because I don't. Because he isn't."

Marathon officials confirmed the president's age and nationality before and after the race and Obama said that he was "proud as an American to win this great American race." But birther message boards lit up upon the news of the results, with many commenters saying the president's comments are exactly what someone would say if they were trying to cover up their true homeland.

Sources inside the White House say several of the president's closest advisers suggested he not run the NYC Marathon, fearing it could stir up the Kenyan issue again during a time when the administration doesn't need additional distractions. But Obama chose to compete anyway. The president did, however, agree to stop carrying stuff around on his head.

"We don't want to give these wackos anything to go on," said Gibbs. "So from now on, the president will not carry baskets of grain on his head into meetings with other heads of state or when he addresses Congress. Some people just felt it didn't play well in Middle America and maybe came across as too Maasai-y."


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