Kim Jong-un, the new supreme leader of North Korea following the death of his father, Kim Jong-il, shamed his father's memory and his entire nation today by shooting a 7-under par 64 at the Pyongyang National Golf Links. Jong-un, despite being in his mid-20s, finished 30 strokes behind his father's best score. According to North Korean state media, Jong-il once fired a 38-under 34 on the 7,700-yard Pyongyang course, including 11 holes-in-one.
The pathetic performance calls into question Jong-un's ability to lead the Communist nation, which had been headed for 18 years by Jong-il and earned much pride over the seemingly impossible athletic exploits of their miniature dictator.
"I was very happy with my round," said Jong-un. "You always feel like you've left a few shots out there — a putt or two here and there, a bad drive or something — but that's the way golf is. A 64 is a good score."
But after signing his scorecard, a coup was attempted by one of Pyongyang National's maintenance workers.
"I can't follow someone who can't shoot in the thirties," said the man, before being imprisoned along with his entire family. "The great Kim Jong-Il only played with a 1-iron. He putted with it, too. And he still shot 38-under. That's a true leader."
Kim Jong-un will reportedly try again to prove he is fit to succeed his father. The young dictator will go bowling tonight and, if Jong-un is unable to beat his father's career-best score of 355, he may be passed over as the next dictator.
"I've been practicing a lot and I've been averaging 285 with a few 300 hundred games, so I'm not too confident," said Jong-un. "I suppose I could try to lie about my score, but that's no way for a future world leader to act."