Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has announced that The Great Texas Tractor Pull will be held this February 6th at Cowboys Stadium.
"I am excited to announce this all-day event," said Jones. "I really want to showcase Cowboys Stadium to tractor pull fans of the world."
Super Bowl XLV had been scheduled for the stadium on the same date, but Jones says that event will have to be held elsewhere.
"It's an unfortunate conflict for the NFL folks. But I don't think the Super Bowl will have a problem finding a new host," said Jones. "There are several good high school stadiums near here that they could use. I think one of them even has a nice FieldTurf surface."
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been frantically calling Jones in hopes of getting him to change his mind.
"He's not budging," said Goodell. "He says that if the Cowboys aren't playing in the Super Bowl at Cowboys Stadium, then no one is playing in the Super Bowl at Cowboys Stadium. At least I think that's what he was saying. He was drunk and was driving a monster truck, so it was kind of hard to hear him."
Jones says the highlight of The Great Texas Tractor Pull will be when Wade Phillips' limbs are affixed to four different tractors and he is torn apart.
"That will be much more exciting than any Super Bowl could be. Yeeeeeee-ha!" said Jones, firing a shot gun wildly into the air out of the window of his luxury box.