If Your Office Issued Daily Injury Reports


OUT: David (flu), Kevin (hungover), Denise ("flu," but probably has an interview), Rick ("flu," but voice sounded way fake on his voice mail), Katie (personal day (explosive diarrhea?)), Luke (mental health day), Amy (huge zit between her eyes), intern (another abortion).

QUESTIONABLE: Mary (runner in her pantyhose), Felix (thinking of playing golf today since it's unseasonably warm), Jon (all his clothes are dirty), Sharon (cankles), Wanda (struggling to think of a reason to get out of bed), Darryl (sick, but knows he's close to getting fired as is and can't push it), Jen (is having, like, the worst day ever), Ryan (major herpes flare up).

PROBABLE: Roger (drunk), Dan (sick, but doesn't have high-speed internet at his apartment and wants to check out some stuff on YouTube), Lisa (flu, but could apparently give a crap about the rest of us), Bill (home life is terrible), boss (might accompany the intern to her abortion, but probably not).