The 6 Types of Intramural Teams


Typical Uniform: Vomit-stained shirts, shorts.

Typical Major: Undeclared.

How To Beat Them: Bring beers, the site of which will cause them to vomit and forfeit.

Pro Team They Most Resemble: Late '80s Miami hurricanes (minus the cocaine energy boost).


Typical Uniform: Matching t-shirts (printed for 10 bucks a piece by professional printing company), shorts, headbands, and wristbands. Seriously, wristbands.

Typical Major: Physical Education, Justice Studies.

How To Beat Them: Ask for random PED testing. If that fails, beating them with any hard object available will do. (Pro Tip: Aim for the kneecaps.)

Pro Team They Most Resemble: 2003 Patriots.


Typical Uniform: Matching Sheryl Swoopes sneakers.

Major: ROTC.

How To Win: If you win then you're a dick, if you lose then you're a pussy. Hope it goes into several overtimes and the rec center has to close.

Pro Team They Most Resemble: '98 U.S women's soccer team.


How To Beat Them: Don't get too tempted and start drinking.

Typical Uniform: Man, this Gatorade tastes funny.

Typical Major: Uuuuuhhhhh Sccomunicattioans or some ashit.

Pro Team They Most Resemble: sd Jesisz I'm drunks.


Typical Uniform: Matching t-shirts with team written in magic marker, cleats (basketball only).

Typical Major: Philosophy.

How To Win: Convince them that touchdowns are scored by throwing the football in one of the side hoops.

Pro Team They Most Resemble: the AFC West.


Typical Uniform: Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Typical Major: Major? I dunno dude just stop talking.

How To Beat Them: Oh man, oh man. She's stretching.

Pro Team They Most Resemble: 2010 Patriots.