Rescued Miner Pissed No One Updated His Fantasy Futbol Team

CHILE-MINERS
After being trapped for 69 days under the earth in a collapsed mine with 32 co-workers, Chilean miner Manuel Pena is overjoyed to be out of the hole and back with his family and friends.

But he does have some mixed emotions.

"I've been through so much over the past two months," said Pena. "It's hard to put it into words. But, yeah, the fact that no one thought to update my fantasy soccer league roster really chaps my ass. My wife has my password. It's the same as my e-mail."

A medical exam upon reaching the surface showed that Pena does indeed have a chapped ass, although that came from sleeping on rocks for the past 68 nights. His blood pressure was also elevated, which doctors attributed to his last place fantasy team.

"Carlos Valencia is in my starting midfield," said Pena. "Carlos fu*king Valencia! He's out until February with a dislocated ankle. I mean, come on! A guy who is actually in worse physical shape than me right now is supposed to be getting me fantasy points. It's like I was underground so they stopped thinking about the stuff I truly care about."

Pena's wife, Marisol, says she was heartsick over having to break the news to her husband.

"Updating his roster just slipped my mind, it was a big mistake," she said. "I hope he can forgive me. I tried to ease him into the bad news by first telling him that his mother passed away while he was down there, but he still flipped out when I told him he was in last place."

Pena was hoping to win the league, which has a payout of $100.

"That's four months of work in the mine," he said. "And I really need the money now because I doubt we'll get paid for the past two months."


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