Other Baseball Sex Terms

Everyone knows about first base, second base, third base and home. But there are many other ways to reach base in baseball, all of which have sex equivalents.

*Working the count* — Here you bypass less desirable options earlier in the night in hopes one that's perfect will be available later.

Sacrifice bunt — With a sacrifice bunt you move your partner along, sacrificing your own gratification, while hoping that he or she will recognize you're a good teammate and will return the favor sometime later.

Fielder's choice — Your friend just got on base, but now he's out because the girl he's with decides she wants you on base instead. And no one is really happy. He's out, her reputation is ruined and you're getting sloppy seconds.

Double steal — Looking to score quickly, you suddenly try to advance to second and third base at once with no warning.

Hit by pitch — You don't even know if you want to get to first base with this person. But your safety is at risk if you say no. Many innings that include hit-by-pitches also have unearned runs (AKA baseball date rape).

Bases on balls — It's the same as getting to first base, but much less gratifying. It's getting a curiously wet kiss from a sort of MILFy aunt at your family reunion. This can also refer to a VERY curious wet kiss from a sort of MILFy aunt at your family reunion when said kiss is placed on your balls.

Defensive indifference — Here you make it to second or third because your partner is too drunk to care or just feels sorry for you and wants to end this as quickly as possible. Defensive indifference is best exhibited by prostitutes.

Ground-rule double — You easily could have gotten to third or even home, but due to some weird quirk, your partner suddenly cuts you off at second. This often leads to an argument about the ruling.

Fan interference — Similar to a ground-rule double, you could have scored, but someone butts in and ruins it. Usually it's her friend reminding her that she has a boyfriend.

Hidden ball trick — Done when a male transvestite brings another man home with him.

Grand slamORGY!!!!

Suicide squeeze — Completely desperate and without a good line, you just walk up to a girl and grab her butt. This is also often referred to as a walkoff strikeout.