Knicks Acquire Carmelo Anthony for Good Player to Be Found Later

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The New York Knicks completed a trade for Denver Nuggets star Carmelo Anthony today, agreeing to send to Denver a good Knicks player to be potentially found sometime in the future.

"We really wanted to bring Carmelo to New York," said Knicks president Donnie Walsh. "But other than Amare Stoudemire, there was absolutely no one on our roster they felt was a fair trade for Carmelo. So we had to get creative."

Under the terms of the agreement, if the Knicks somehow get a remotely desirable player on their roster within the next five years, they must send that player to the Nuggets. If the team goes five years without getting any good players, as is expected, they must send their next five first-round draft picks to the Nuggets, as well as their leading scorer outside of Anthony and Stoudemire, who Denver would probably just cut or maybe use for deep bench help.

Nuggets general manager Masai Ujiri said he was happy to come to an agreement with the Knicks.

"I had a great time negotiating with them," said Ujiri. "They originally offered Eddy Curry's expiring contract, something called Anthony Randolph and a draft pick. Yes, that's right. For Carmelo Anthony. So I obviously had a good, long laugh about that."

After Ujiri was able to compose himself, he had his secretary double-check that he hadn't been prank called by someone pretending to be Donnie Walsh offering an absurd trade. Assured it was legit, he called Walsh back and offered Carmelo in exchange for a possible good Knicks player of the future, which Walsh accepted.

"I'm the idiot?" said Walsh. "Ha! Who cares about future draft picks. I just got Carmelo Anthony in exchange for a completely mythological figure: a good Knicks player. I probably could have offered a unicorn."

To clear cap space for Anthony, the Knicks will reportedly offer Curry a contract buyout of delicious pastries.


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