Things overheard at your fantasy draft … translated


Fantasy football has its own buzzwords and cliches. Here is what you'll hear at your fantasy draft — and what it really means.

Quote: "Hey everyone, why don't we try an auction draft this year to keep things fresh."
Said by: The guy who's finished in 9th place for the last three years.
What it really means: "I clearly suck at doing this the normal way, so maybe if we do it in a way no one understands, that'll even the playing field a little bit."
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Quote: "This guy is my rock"
Said by: The guy who just drafted Clinton Portis in the first round for the fifth straight year.
What it really means: "I won a championship with this guy on my team five years ago and I keep drafting him even though he sucks now. He's like the rock I'm tied to as I sink to the bottom of the standings."
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Quote: "All the experts say this guy could be a real sleeper this year."
Said by: The guy who did all his draft homework five minutes before the draft by skimming the magazines at Borders.
What it really means: "Sure, I've never actually heard of this guy, but I saw his name in three different magazines, so he's gotta be good, right?"
– – –
Quote: "I might have reached for him, but he fills a need on my team."
Said by: The guy who just drafted a kicker in the 7th round.
What it really means: "What the? Did I really draft a kicker before getting a second wide receiver? I'm so screwed."
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Quote: "Wow, he's is still available in the 9th round? I'm grabbing him. That's a great value pick."
Said by: The guy who hasn't been paying attention all preseason.
What it really means: "I see no reason to be worried about my team of Matt Leinart, Thomas Jones, LaDainian Tomlinson, Percy Harvin and Sidney Rice. That's all kinds of talent. Why are you laughing?"
– – –
Quote: "I couldn't live with myself if I had a guy like that on my team."
Said by: The guy who just missed out on drafting Ben Roethlisberger.
What it really means: "I was going to draft him with the next pick, but since you stole him from me, I'm going to pretend to have morals. On a related note, my next pick is Donte' Stallworth."
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Quote: "This is really just my 'for fun' league. I care WAY more about my money league."
Said by: The guy who will definitely finish in last
What it really means: "We're six rounds into this draft, and I hate my team already. Time to start making pre-emptive excuses."
– – –
Quote: "I have to remember to handcuff my running backs and spread out my bye week hits."
Said by: The fantasy football newcomer
What it really means: "Hey, check out these fantasy football terms I heard used by someone on TV. They make sense, right?"
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Quote: "Who made that pick for you? Your mom?
Said by: Multiple people.
What it really means: "That was an excellent pick. I am impressed by your fantasy football drafting abilities."
– – –
Quote: "That was an excellent pick.I am impressed by your fantasy football drafting abilities."
Said by: ?
What it really means: Unknown. This has never been said at a fantasy football draft.