NFL Owners Show Solidarity By Holding Up Briefcases Full of Cash


NFL owners plan to counter the players' show of union solidarity, in which the players held up one finger before Sunday's games, with their own show of solidarity before this week's games.

Team owners have signed off on a plan to hold one stainless steel briefcase full of $100 bills out the window of their luxury boxes before kickoff on Sunday. All 32 owners have agreed to the plan, although several have tasked assistants or servants with actually holding the briefcase out of the luxury box window.

"We are united," said Redskins owner Dan Snyder. "Really the only disagreement we had was what to put in our briefcases. Some owners wanted cash and jewels. Others wanted to hold up more than one briefcase, maybe one with cash and one with diamonds. And Paul Allen thought we should do fly-overs in our private jets. But in the end, the single briefcase full of cash won out."

With both sides preparing for an intense battle over the collective bargaining agreement, the owners say they are prepared to fight to the end.

"What the players don't understand is how stretched the team owners are," said commissioner Roger Goodell. "The players suffer concussions and debilitating injuries and play, on average, only four years so they have a short window to earn money, sure. But the owners are already frail due to their age and usually have only 20 to 25 years to use their teams to become billionaires. And the fact of the matter is that fans wouldn't even watch the league's star players if the owners didn't negotiate very lucrative TV contracts. The owners are the true stars."