X-Gamer Tests Positive for Mountain Dew Code Red

X-Gamer Dex Jenkins may have all of the medals he won at this year's competition stripped after he tested positive yesterday for Mountain Dew Code Red.
"We need to move extreme sports beyond the era of performance enhancers," said Jon Mirer, X-Games president. "That is why we began comprehensive testing. Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew Code Red. Even Slim Jims and all gums with taste explosions must be stamped out."
Jenkins has long been rumored to be a Mountain Dew user, due to his to-the-extreme lifestyle and associations with known rad people. But the positive test for Mountain Dew Code Red shocked even his closest friends.
"I was shocked," said Tony Hawk. "I mean, I know the culture we've had in extreme sports, so I'm not going to tell you there isn't anyone doing the Dew to come back from injuries. But Code Red is another thing. It's just so … extreme. It gives the user a huge advantage."
Shaun White says he is worried about Jenkins.
"He needs to surround himself with better people," said White, "because Mountain Dew Code Red is absolutely disgusting."