The New York Giants medical staff came back from another round of tests on quarterback Eli Manning this morning unsure if the signal caller is experiencing symptoms of a concussion or just being his regular stupid self.
“It’s tough to say at this point”, said team doctor Mike Woolcott. “We’ve been asking him simple questions that any human being with a below average IQ would know –What’s your name? Where are you? Who’s the president? – and he answered them all incorrectly. The problem is we’re pretty sure he didn’t know those answers before the hit.”
Doctors say that on Monday afternoon Manning was absent-mindedly walking into walls and saying nonsensical things, but no one on the staff seemed to notice or care.
Explained head coach Tom Coughlin, “Eli skips down the halls singing ‘Im A Little Teapot’ all the time, so this is nothing new for us. In fact, I’d say the best indication that he suffered a head injury would be if he wasn’t acting like a two year-old.”
The Giants plan to continue monitoring the quarterback, just like they normally do due to his habit of licking electrical outlets.
“This isn’t the first time we’ve been confused by an athlete’s behavior,” added Coughlin. “In 2008 we assumed Jared Lorenzen’s weight was due to him being lazy and eating all the time, so we tested him for marijuana every day. Turns out he was just a fat f*ck.”