Congress Increases Major League Baseball Minimum Wage to $475,000

In a rare bit of legislation that received approval among both Democrats and Republicans, the House of Representatives today passed sweeping legislation that will raise the mimimum wage in Major League Baseball from $400,000 to $475,000.
"We will support any increase in the minimum wage for hard-working Americans," said House speaker Nancy Pelosi. "And also, in this case, many hard-working Dominicans and Puerto Ricans, too."
House minority leater John Boehner saw it as a victory for supply-side philosophy, as it will increase the income of an already affluent segment of the population.
"By taking home more money, these players will be able to hire cooks, gardeners and shady nutritionists," he said. "This legislation will create new jobs and also hopefully boost home run totals and scoring again. What's good for America's pastime is good for America."
In addition to the increase in the minimum wage, players will receive overtime for any innings worked past nine, and players will also receive a tax deduction for as many as five mistresses and girlfriends.
"It's great to see government doing positive things for our country," said Yankees pitcher A.J. Burnett. "I don't make mimimum wage anymore, but I used to and I know it's tough to get by. Jet skies are more expensive to buy and maintain than you think, especially because I you have to get a $70,000 pickup truck to haul them around. This bill will enable more players to buy jet skies, pickup trucks and really nice, high-end fishing boats."
Burnett says he will get a tattoo on his back that reads "H.R. 3319" in honor of the bill.