Desperate Arizona Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt dispatched God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit to Kurt Warner's house today in hopes to convince the retired quarterback to return to the NFL. "You want to limit the favors you ask the Man Upstairs," said Whisenhunt. "But this is important. If we have to play Matt Leinart, we are obviously doomed." God said He was happy to talk to Warner. "We talk everyday as it is," said God. "But he helps Me by coming back, too. It's great PR if the Jesus-loving gunslinger comes back and saves the team from that wretched Leinart. And I mean wretched in both his morals and his quarterback play. Especially his quarterback play. Jesus Christ, he's awful." "Yes he is," agreed Jesus Christ.