Broncos Already Tired of Eating Loaves and Fishes

Training camp is less than two weeks old and Tim Tebow's Broncos teammates have already grown tired of his miracles.
"Look, it's cool he can make all that food," said wide receiver Jabar Gaffney. "But how about some diversity? I'd rather starve than eat another goddam fish, I'll tell you that. And the carbs from the loaves are not helping any of us get in shape."
The Broncos selected Tebow in the first round as much for his leadership and intangibles as for his football ability, and those intangibles included feeding and ministering to his teammates. It was hoped he would save the team money on dining costs at training camp, as well as for post-game spreads. And he has, but Broncos players don't care about cost savings.
"I asked Tim for a pizza. Deep dish. The works," said running back LenDale White. "He got me a fish on a loaf and tried to tell me it was a French bread sardine pizza. That's not what I asked for and Tim Tebow isn't supposed to lie."
Head coach Josh McDaniels is working with Tebow to improve his food-making.
"The problem is that Tim is a biblical literalist," said McDaniels. "So in the Bible it says Jesus made loaves and fishes. Fine. But what I want to stress to Tim is that if he wanted, being that he's supposed to be all-powerful, Jesus could have also made a nice stir-fry. Or, you know, even steak with a loaf. I'm sure the guys could go for a London broil sandwich."
But not all the Broncos are tired of Tebow's loaves and fishes. Starting quarterback Kyle Orton says he is happy with his new teammate.
"Hey, I'm very happy with sticking to exactly what's in the Bible," said Orton. "Because I know that means soon he'll start changing water into wine. Score!"


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