GM Desperately Trying to Start Rumor That He Has a Big Penis

San Francisco Giants general manager Brian Sabean has been working the phones as the Major League Baseball trade dealine approaches, proposing deals and repeatedly mentioning that he has a big penis in hopes that will work it's way into the news.
"With the amount of inaccurate news that is printed around this time of year every season, I don't see what it can hurt," said Sabean. "If someone is going to write that we're shopping Barry Zito, which we're not, I don't see why they can't also say I'm packing 11 inches, which is also incredibly not true."
Sabean has said his penis-size discussion has caused several legitimate trade talks to fall apart.
"I was close to making a deal with a team from the NL Central for a power bat and I mentioned that I had a huge penis that is so big it scares many women because they're not sure they can take it all," said Sabean. "And the other GM got all weirded out by that and got off the phone. So it's a definite trade-off. I might lose out on a good deal or two and hurt the team but, on the other hand, it will definitely all be worth it if this makes the news."
Baseball reporters have also been hearing a lot from Sabean lately.
"He keeps texting me some great trade scoops," said Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports. "And, so far, they've all been legit. The only thing is that he attaches a cell phone pick of a huge, prosthetic penis to all of his texts with a P.S. 'yeah, it's mine.' So I'm not sure if I should run the trade information or not."


Advertisement