BREAKING: All the latest MLB trade deadline news

Here are all the rumors from sources, insiders and "reports" …
9:53 p.m. – The Diamondbacks will also send Justin Upton to the Angels as part of the Dan Haren deal.
9:55 p.m. – According to sources, the Astros would like J.A. Happ to go by Jay Happ because J.A. is kind of stupid.
10:01 p.m. – Teams are balking at Milwaukee’s demands for Prince Fielder and also the per diem it costs to feed him each day.

10:04 p.m. – Arizona is now also including Chris Young in the Haren deal. And they will pick up the salaries on Haren, Upton, Young and a future Angels free agent signing to be named.

22:11 – According to front office sources, Philadelphia general manager Ruben Amaro, Jr. has absolutely no idea what he’s doing.

22:14 – Did you hear about Rick Pitino saying he jizzed on his leg? Ridiculous.

7:19 p.m. PT – The Orioles have called a telephone service technician because they are getting absolutely zero calls about their players.

8:27 p.m. MT – Turns out the phones in Baltimore are working fine. Their players just blow.

22:39 – Jayson Werth doesn’t have a no-trade clause. But if he did, he reportedly would not want to be traded to the Royals.
03:53 London – According to numerous sources, Tony LaRussa is demanding the Cardinals acquire a nice bottle of merlot.
Stardate 220730.0140 — A guy on sports radio in New York has just proposed the dumbest trade ever. Even dumber than the previous caller.
11:01 p.m. – The Tigers are looking to acquire a player to be named later and they would like that player to be named Max Armstrong because that name sounds badass.

10:07 p.m. CT – Some reliever just got dealt. No one cares.

11:15 p.m. – Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan is getting a lot of interest, but only because GMs like to say his name.

23:44 – The Nationals are hoping to deal Adam Dunn, as they feel having him on another team will give Stephen Strasburg another 1,000 or so career strikeouts.

12:04 a.m. – The Yankees are not thought to be heavy buyers at the trade deadline. They will instead buy all the best available players in the off-season without sacrificing any prospects.