Archaeologists Find Remains of Ancient Roman T-Shirt Catapult in Coliseum

In what is being called one of the most monumental anthropological discoveries of the last 100 years, archaeologists in Rome have announced that they’ve unearthed what appears to be the remains of a primitive "T-shirt catapult" in a previously undetected area of the great sporting landmark.
“This flies in the face of literally everything we’ve perceived about the Roman culture," stated Gregory Lawler, head of Anthropological Studies at Harvard University. “Until now, the prevailing wisdom revolved around the idea that the Roman people took no pleasure from events held in the Coliseum events outside of the action on the Coliseum floor itself. But if this t-shirt catapult is the real deal, we’ll have to reevaluate everything we thought.”
The contraption, which scientists described as "a scaled back version of a catapult normally used in warfare," featured a specially designed ‘T’ shaped compartment into which “Halftime Show Sponsored by Cesar’s Wonder Vomitorium” was inscribed. It’s believed to have been used between gladiator matches while crews disposed of the dead body.
The catapult wasn’t the only significant unearthing made during the three-week excavation. An oversized horse, into which one person was able to fit, gives credence to the theory that the Romans also embraced the idea of mascots, and ancient papyrus arguments detailing how old school Romans hated the evolution of public slaughtering into family-friendly events are possibly the first example of what evolved into sports talk radio.
Archaeologists also uncovered tiny garments used to conceal the genital area, but those are thought to have been worn by men and not ancient cheerleaders.


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