Andy Reid Reports to Training Camp 174 Pounds Overweight

Philadelphia Eagles coaches and players expressed disappointment today after head coach Andy Reid reported to training camp 174 pounds overweight.
“I love the guy,” said quarterback Kevin Kolb. “But he looks terrible. We have a long season ahead of us and he’s clearly in no shape to be able to give his best. Unless he drops 165 pounds or so in the next six weeks, I don’t see how we can keep him.”
Reid says his track record of success and years of service to the team should give him the benefit of the doubt.
“I’ve won a lot here,” he said. “And I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know what my body can handle. I’ll be ready for the season. Trust me. And I think my weight is an advantage at my position. My body can feed off of itself while I put in late nights during the season watching film and writing up game plans. I don’t need to take breaks to eat. I still do anyway. Many, many times each hour I’m there. Eating. Stuffing my face.. But I think my point stands.”
But many Eagles do not accept Reid’s explanation.
“The offseason is supposed to be our time off,” said offensive lineman King Dunlap. “But if we show up here on the first day of work overweight by a few pounds, we get in trouble. Yet he can walk around like a giant sack of sh-t, shoving hot dogs in his mouth like he’s at Coney Island on the Fourth of July and everything is okay? I thought coaches were supposed to lead by example, no? Well then put down the sticky buns for a minute, lard ass.”
Reid says he should be exempt from any team punishment or fines because he attended all of the team’s voluntary and mandatory off-season workouts.
“I was there every day,” he said. “They put out a delicious spread in the locker room. So of course I was there. Free cheese squares? With ranch dressing dip? Umm … yes. You couldn’t keep me away.”