Alex Rodriguez Buys New Outfit for First Day Back from All-Star Break

Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez showed up today for the first day of baseball since the All-Star break sporting a snappy new outfit he admitted he hoped would catch the eye of the rest of the players on the team.
"Hey, we haven't seen each other in a while and I wanted to make a good impression and show them that I became even more stylish and sophisticated over the break," he said. "I think it worked. I think they realized there's a new Alex."
But Rodriguez wasn't the only Yankees player to report with a new look. Derek Jeter had an expensive new outfit, Jorge Posada showed up with a brand new bat bag and Nick Swisher was sporting a new haircut. Closer Mariano Rivera looked the most different, however, taking on a goth look.
"So much happened to me over the All-Star break," said Rivera. "Like, you don't even know. I don't even know if I'm going to stay in baseball. I might quit and focus on my music."
Yankees manager Joe Girardi says the Yankees are no different than any other baseball team.
"They're very insecure, yet at the same time incredibly egotistical," said Girardi. "I'd say their maturity is around that of a 10th grade boy."
Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain showed up in a dirty, wrinkled shirt and clearly hadn't showered in several days. He had to be sent home to change.
"Poor kid comes from a terrible background," said Girardi. "And he doesn't have any money. But there are standards we expect everyone on the team to meet. Basic hygiene."