They were the sports video games stars of yesteryear. Everyone welcomed them into their homes.
But their careers are over. Where are they now? SportsPickle takes a look …
Fat Guy – NES Hockey
Fat Guy dominated Ice Hockey in the late '80s and early '90s with his bruising checks and rocketing slap shot. His reputation perfectly matched that of the Soviet Union: plodding and terrifying.
Yet when the Soviet Union crumbled, so did Fat Guy's career. The Russian ice hockey team turned to a different style to represent the new nation, a more moderate Medium-Sized Guy style or even a quick and nimble Skinny Guy approach. Not that Fat Guy could have continued playing anyway. By the early '90s, years of steroids, overeating and alcohol abuse caught up to him. There was a brief fling with the princess from Super Mario Bros., but then he faded from the public eye.
Today he is wracked by diabetes and debt. He lives in the same Moscow public housing building as the "Trololo" guy.
King Hippo – Punch-Out!!!
King Hippo was one of the top heavyweights and most popular fighters of his era, but never was able to reach the level of legends like Mr. Sandman, Super Macho Man, Mike Tyson or cheat code-enabled Little Mac.
After retiring in 1995, he returned to his kingdom and found it in disarray. His years of focusing on boxing over governance left the tiny nation at the edge of revolution. Poverty, crime and violence filled the streets. He immediately enacted measures to reverse the decline, but before they had any impact, he was overthrown in a violent coup.
King Hippo was stabbed in the stomach in the attack. The two small band-aids he had on him could not slow the flow of blood. He died hours later.
Paste – Bases Loaded
The star slugger on Jersey, Bases Loaded's best team, Paste dominated the league and was always a difficult out. Especially in the later innings when your starter got tired and forgot how to throw a decent f—king curve ball!!!
Unfortunately, his time in the spotlight was brief. Soon most baseball games had licensing deals with Major League Baseball, and no one wanted to play a baseball game featuring fictional players, even one featuring umpires named Yuk, Dum, Boo and Bum.
Today Paste runs baseball camps for fictional players, such as baseball players from Latin America who are as old as they say they are.
Starman – Pro Wrestling
Starman was indeed the star of Pro Wrestling. With his Somersault Kick and Flying Cross Chop, he could dish out the 8-bit pain. A success on the mat, he has also had the most success after his career of any former sports video game star. He now publishes self-help books and tours the nation as a motivational speaker. His "A Winner Is You!" series of books are bestsellers.
Michael Jordan – Jordan vs. Bird: One On One
This is perhaps the saddest story of all. Despite his immense basketball talent, Jordan fell into gambling addiction. This led to a rumored secret suspension from the NBA and a disastrous attempt to play baseball. He later returned to basketball and had success, but stupidly returned a second time and embarrassed himself as a Washington Wizard. He then became a comically inept general manager for the Charlotte Bobcats — drafting Adam Morrison third overall! — put on weight, wore bizarre clothing, and lost a ton of money in a divorce.
The video game Jordan had it much better and only became obsolete.
paddle — PONG
The paddle was the biggest video game star of the 1970s. But as video games became more complex and graphics-driven along with the decrease in the popularity of tennis, the two-dimensional rectangle saw its career come to a close. It took bit parts in other games — a chunk of background scenery here, part of some text there — before eventually retiring in the late '80s.
Thanks to fan nostalgia, PONG paddle remains popular at autograph shows and earns a good living that way. However, its appearances have lessened in recent years due to the effects of concussions it sustained during its career due to repeated collisions with the square PONG ball. On bad days, with senility creeping in, PONG paddle reportedly believes it is Sonic The Hedgehog.