Yankees, Chamberlain Renew "Joba Rules" In Small Hawaiian Ceremony

Joba Chamberlain burst onto the scene likehot, flat-brimmed lava. But after a failed tour as a starter and a sub-parreturn to the bullpen, it appears Chamberlain’s status as liquid-hot phenomhas cooled and hardened into an igneous career as a middle reliever.

In an attempt to restore what once was Yankees’ Senior Vice President andGeneral Manager, Brian Cashman, made the decision to bring back the “JobaRules,” protective guidelines set to prevent the hard-throwing righty fromgetting injured early in his career. The Yankee front office drew a lot ofcriticism when they enacted the “rules” in 2007, but according to Cashman,all the jokes and disparagement is far less painful than watching a onceprized prospect slip deeper and deeper into mediocrity. “The biggest regretof my career is revoking the ‘Joba Rules.’ Well, besides making him astarting pitcher… and signing Kei Igawa” said Cashman.

To celebrate the reinstatement of the “Joba Rules,” a team trip to Hawaiiwas booked for a renewal ceremony during an off day of their West Coast roadtrip. The private ceremony, whose guest list boasted such Yankee legends asYogi Berra and Randy Velarde, was hosted on a beautiful white-sand beachjust south of Honolulu. Under the guidance of newly ordained minister, DerekJeter, Chamberlain and Cashman exchanged the newly penned rules in front ofthe exclusive audience. Cashman, who read his rules on behalf of the entire
Yankees organization, couldn’t help but get emotional during the hour-longceremony, which was capped by a Chamberlain fist pump and Frank SinatraJr.’s rendition of “New York, New York.” “For the most part, I try not tolet my emotions get to me, but when Joba looked me in the eyes and flashedme one of those reassuring, Cornhusker smiles, I just couldn’t help myself”said the teary-eyed GM. “You know, I’m glad I finally listened to my wife,”he added, “the Hawaiian vow renewal ceremony really was a good idea."

The players in attendance agreed wholeheartedly. Curtis Granderson, who isin his first season with the Yankees, said “[the ceremony] was the mostbeautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The closest thing we ever did to this in
Detroit was pretend wedding for [Justin] Verlander and [Magglio] Ordonez’sdogs, it was really cute.” For members of the organization who couldn’t makeit, a DVD of the ceremony’s Yankeeography was sent to team headquarters inTampa, Florida.

While the exact terms of the Chamberlain-Yankee agreement were meant to bekept private, an inside source says the new rules are highlighted by a 100inning season limit, no alcohol before day game clause, and mandatory TacoTuesdays.


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