The 7 Worst Athlete Songs of All-Time

Rap, rock, country … we all like different kinds of music.
Some people even like the "musical" rap-rock-country "stylings" of people like Big & Rich and Cowboy Troy. Such people probably also enjoy these seven songs — the worst athlete songs of all-time.

1. Carl Lewis – "Break It Up"

What’s This All About?
The third in theHolyTrinityof embarassing Carl Lewis Youtube videos, “Break It Up” is equal parts exercise video, Carl Lewis highlight tape, and 1980s homoerotic romp through a fitness center.
Why is this so great?
There’s a bunch of women minding their own business while exercising during the video. Apparently they’re aware that there’s a music video being shot, but they're clearly not caring.
Why is this not so great?
Aside from the obvious, the context of the song revolves around Lewis’ idea of making a human chain and never breaking it up, which is really just an absolute logistical nightmare.
SportsPickle Rating:5 Guyliners out of 10

2. Shaquille O’Neal – "Shoot Pass Slam"

What’s This all About?
1,000 years from now, when archaeologists uncover lost treasures of the time known as the mid-90s, they will inevitably come to one resounding conclusion: This man whom they called ‘Shaq’ was clearly the king of the periods between the early to mid-1990s. These men will then go on to use Shaq Fu to defeat their alien enslavers.
Why is this so great?
Lyrical references include Martin Sheen, Mr. Miyagi, Ivan Drago and Derrick Coleman.
Why is this not so great?
Nothing says ‘take me seriously as a rapper’ quite like a music video featuring Scott Skiles. Then there's the line: "Do me a favor, look up 'Shaq' in the dictionary / I'm sure you'll see a picture of me, brother." Yes. Probably.
Unfortunately, all of this failure did not prevent a second Shaq album, named "Da Return." Someone sure wasn't scared of da humiliation.
SportsPickle Rating:7 Reebok Pumps out of 10.

3. Macho Man Randy Savage – "I’m Back"

What’s this all about?
In 2003, still rolling in Slim Jim money, Macho Man Randy Savage enlisted the help of people with access to music equipment and no access to talented musicians and laid down this mothereffer of a track.
Why is this so great?
If you listen closely enough you can actually hear the cocaine travelling through his bloodstream.
Why is this not so great?
According to the lyrics, “I'm like Deion, Bo and Mike, I can play two sports /And in both arenas i'm a tremendous force." What can we learn from this? Randy Savage believes:
A. rapping is a sport (it isn’t); and …
B. Deion Sanders, Bo Jackson, and Michael Jordan are still relevant (they aren’t).
SportsPickle Rating:5 re-used syringes out of 10

4. Bronson Arroyo – "Shimmer" (Fuel cover)

What’s this all about?
Former Red Sox 5thstarter Bronson Arroyo released an album called "Covering The Bases." “Covering The Bases” is an appropriate title because he’s a baseball player and also because he probably laid about 70-percent Boston's female population when it came out.
Why is this so great?
What’s so great about Arroyo’s singing ability is how accurately it mirrors his baseball playing ability. He’s not terrible, but he’s not good. He is quite simply a 5thstarter-caliber musician.
Why is this not so great?
Arroyo pitched for the 2004 Red Sox, so he clearly doesn’t care if you think he’s a douchebag. Hence why he’s spending his and everyone else’s free time to cover a d-bag anthem from Fuel.
SportsPickle Rating:4 backwards visors out of 10

5. Deion Sanders – "Must Be the Money"

What’s this all about?
Deion Sanders would like us all to know that he has a lot of money, but instead of doing something ridiculous to inform of us his wealth, he decided to do the sensible thing and make rap video.
Why is this so great?
Three words: Darryl Strawberry cameo. Actually three words, one number:1994Darryl Strawberry cameo.
Why is this not so great?
Deion Sanders sounds like a deaf guy rapping. Seriously, go listen, I’ll wait … see? Told you.
SportsPickle Rating:8 Darryl Strawberry cocaine-induced freakouts out of 10

6. Kobe Bryant feat. Tyra Banks – "K.O.B.E."

What’s this all about?
Kobe Bryant put out an All Points Bulletin for every available female in the continental U.S and, according to the lyrics, apparently Italy, too, just to say this: he’s looking for a woman who isn’t just some gold digger actress/model/dancer type to fall in love with. Also, fun fact: he met his current wife when she was a 17-year-old and dancing in a rap video.
Why is this so great?
To listen to Kobe Bryant publicly humiliate himself is probably close to what it’s like to see God for the first time. Best/worst line: "Im'a search for the one who makes my wealth feel poor / who can ignore the spotlight life of Grandma." The hell does that mean? Is Kobe Bryant's grandmother famous? If so, is it for having the worst rapping grandson of all-time?
Why is this not so great?
Surgeon General’s warning: Do not eat two hours before listening to the back-and-forth between Tyra Banks and Bryant at the start of the song. Severe vomiting may occur. A "Tyra Show" marathon is more palatable.
SportsPickle Rating:1 sexual assault allegation out of 10

7. Hulk Hogan – "Beach Patrol"

What’s this all about?
The Hulkster joined forces with The Wrestling Boot Travelling Band to give us this gem. And to be completely honest, I think we’d all be a little bit shocked if it turned out that Hulk Hoganhadn’treleased a rap album.
Why is this so great?
Any songs that starts with the lyrics “I was walking down the beach …” is a guaranteed winner.
Why is this not so great?
Apparently the delusion-regarding-your-musical-talents genedoesn’t skip a generation.
SportsPickle Rating:3 ½ torn shirts out of 10


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