Ron Artest Celebrates Getting a Free Hat

Completely insane person and Lakers forward Ron Artest says it's a dream come true.
"Everything I've worked for my whole career, I finally have it," said Artest moments after the Lakers won an NBA title over the Boston Celtics. "Look! It's one-size fits all! Just as I hoped it would be!"
Artest then passed on an opportunity to hold the NBA championship trophy so he could continue looking at himself in the mirror with his hat on.
"This is a nice hat, too!" he exclaimed. "It's embroidered and everything! I've always wanted a nice hat. To all the kids out there: follow your dreams and work hard. You could get a nice hat like this."
While his teammates continued celebrating and taking photos with the championship trophy, Artest called friends and loved ones to tell them about his hat.
"I did it!" he was heard telling one person on the phone. "I wish you were here to see it. It's such a nice hat. I think I'll call it Hatty."
Lakers head coach Phil Jackson just looked at Artest and sighed. "That's not a working cell phone," he said. "We haven't let him have a real cell phone in months. It freaked him out that voices came out of it. Also, here's a fun fact: he thinks he's talking to Michael Jackson right now."
Artest later joined his teammates to celebrate with champagne, chewing up an empty bottle while trying to spray his urine on all those around him.
"I'm so happy for Ron," said his beaming psychiatrist, standing off to the side. "This is the best he's been in years."


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