Reports: A Girl Is Up, So You Can Move In

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According to numerous reports from the infielders on your slow-pitch, rec league softball team, a girl is up so you can take a few steps in from your outfield position.

No … more. A few more. There you go. That's good. Remember that girl who batted in your game last week and she blooped one in front of you for a hit? Yeah, you don't want that to happen again.

Not that it looks like it's going to matter. What a terrible swing and miss on the first pitch. Ha! Why did they bat her? Do they want to lose?

"Come on! Strike her out!" says your second baseman.

Ooops. There's a ball. The count is 1-and-1.

"Don't walk her! Make her hit!" yells your shortstop. "This is an easy out!"

Whoosh. There's another big swing and a miss.

"Better take a few more steps in," says your second baseman.

There's ball two.

"She's pretty hot," you think. "At least for a girl who plays softball. I wonder if she's a lesbian. And, if not, if she's single."

Ball three.

"Let's go! Throw it over!" yells your third baseman. "Let her hit it. She can't hurt us."

Your second baseman is now telling you to come in a few more steps, which you can see him say clearly now, as you are standing almost directly behind him.

And here's the 3-and-2 pitch.

PING!

It's coming this way. Oh, shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. It's way over your head. Oh shit. You're never going to catch it. F—k! It landed right where you were playing originally.

According to the latest reports from your infielders, don't bother throwing the ball in to the infield because you just lost. Dammit.

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