Orioles fans placed on bereavement leave

The Baltimore Orioles today placed their fans on bereavement leave to deal with the crushing reality that the team is horrible and has absolutely no hope of ever contending in the American League East. "I can't say I didn't see this coming," said Orioles fan Jeff Folk. "It's been staring us in the face for years. But it's time to let go and grieve." Under baseball's rules, all those placed on the bereavement list must miss a minimum of three games. "That is not a problem," said Orioles fan Melinda Rogers. "In fact, I don't think I'll ever be back. I'm done. Unless there's a good bobble-head giveaway or a fireworks night or something like that."